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Tears were all the words I could put together for hours. I have been sitting listening to the waves of rain hit my window and a storm lingering in the valley. Spring is here. It is a spring that is 3 years more than I was told to expect. Years more than some of my children that had strokes early on were told to expect. We just kept going and relying upon the Lord.
Yet I feel so wrong and conflicted this morning. So off.
In the past few weeks the homeschooling blogger world has been rocked by several loses. First Mandy and her husband and 2 youngest children died in a house fire. She blogged at Worshipful Living. *I just tried to correct my grammar and write she blogs… but then I realized no she doesn’t. She’s in Heaven now. These are the moments of grief that will fill the lives of those closest to those that are grieving. Until one day you realize you made it through a few hours..then half a day.. then a few days. Grieving is a long hard process.*
Then on May 1st a blogging friend Laurie Bostwick’s (of Successful Homemakers) 17-year-old daughter was on her way to work and was hit head on by a distracted driver.
Here is the rub that I have no answer for but need to fess up to. It’s gnawing at my heart and I want to be open about the issue.
I recently read a book by Kara Tippetts and Jill Buteyn: Just Show Up: The Dance of Walking through Suffering Together. They talked about the things we say to people like me and the kids that have a Damocles sword of progressive loss of health hanging over our heads. Those of us that have been put on hospice but remain to the best of our ability up and moving.. for now.
‘oh you look so good! Are you feeling better?’ no but I have rockin’ makeup!
‘have you tried…. ‘ with my children’s health in the balance OF COURSE I have tried or thought about every option out there.
‘Bobbi had that and got better.’ Hmmm frankly Praise the Lord Bobbi got better. No, really! I mean it I am happy to see people get healthier but that is not an option for me.
All these attempts are usually said to make me feel better and you to fill up an awkward moment when you don’t know what to say. I guess saying, ‘gee you’re still breathing I’m really happy to see that’ would be a touch rude. (though I would laugh because its honest and I too am happy)
There are other platitudes like…
‘God will only give you what you can handle.’ That one is just wrong. Faith is tested. If you think you only get what you can handle then the Lord must have misjudged Stephen because he was stoned to death. We must rely on the Lord not just for the perks of life but also have complete faith in Him for death as well.
I realized that facing a disease that will kill me is different than the possibility of the average person dying today from ‘walking out in front of a bus’ (I have been told that one by many people). Given the last few weeks though my heart hurts just as badly when a sudden completely unexpected death happens as it does with the steady progression of friends that are dying of mitochondrial disease and it’s symptoms like gastroparesis and adrenal failure etc.
Children and teens starting out their life shouldn’t die for any reason. So says my human heart.
Both situations are raw. Both take a delicate hand. Both are real and will need to work through the grieving process. Hopefully surrounded by friends.
Please don’t tell a terminally ill person that you could die tomorrow so we are all even. That makes their suffering and dealing with saying good bye to their family. Going to the funeral home to make arrangements. Setting their life to rights. Seem foolish and it is not.
Friends with chronic and severe illness give grace and understanding when the unimaginable happens and a family is struck down in their prime. It can happen. Now will it happen often, no, but we are the ones that have held that burden and know it better than most.
This is the time that those of us that have had to talk to the funeral home. Those of use that have had to fill out medical powers of attorney. We can come along those in need and help guide them.
I am so sorry for both these camps those that carry the burden of life in its last stages. And those that suddenly have it thrust upon them. No warning.
This is God’s domain
I don’t doubt that the Lord is completely in charge of my health, my child’s health and the person sharing what they hope is uplifting advice.
May we all learn to pour into each other’s lives love, grace, patience in abundance, service to the ones that are hurting.
May the Lord use these times to stretch us all so we may better serve each other, pray for each other, and be a shining light for his kingdom.
*Please consider helping Mandy’s 2 remaining children. You can donate through their church:
Trinity Baptist Church
2003 Charleston Hwy
Cayce, SC 29033
You can also donate through the church’s website http://www.tbccayce.com
*Please consider helping Laurie’s family as they deal with the loss of her daughter Natalie: