Have you ever prayed and prayed the same prayer for months? I have recently. I have been praying for the last two months about my health and how I can best parent my children knowing that I have limited time here on earth. Worse, I have to also realize that with mitochondrial disease my children have a shortened time on earth as well. I have to come to terms with that. That hurts my momma heart worse than anything I have endured.
The Real Refreshment Retreat was supposed to be a time when I ministered and shared my heart with other moms. I did that and it was wonderful. The friends I made will be stay in my heart and are on the prayer calendar given out by RRR.
The thing that brought my heart to a humble place was the opening night when Rebecca Brandt led us in a prayer time. This was not just a passing prayer we mouthed then finished this was a long prayer of seeking and deciding to do the will of the Lord.
I started with my normal prayer list but it felt false. Shallow even. I looked around at a room full of ladies that encouraged me to dig deeper and pray harder. I did.
The prayer I had been praying for months was right there. God’s answer had been there all along but I kept asking, I think in hopes the answer would change. It did not. God’s answer was simple Acceptance.
When you are told you are dying. Most likely sooner rather than later and the doctor tells you to talk to your family and do those things that you have been putting off now. Some part of you breaks.
Like having a miscarriage you will never experience pregnancy the same again. The perfect bubble you were in is shattered. You are changed in a deep way.
I broke. I hurt. I don’t know what to say to my children about why mommy won’t be there to help choose wedding dresses or meet my grandbabies.
Simple things like should I talk about the future and include myself in the conversation?
God answered me: Acceptance
Perfect and timely. I need to accept that my end may be near. I am encouraged to accept that I may through the grace of the Lord be here for more than the immediate future. This same acceptance flows over my children as well.
Listening to the speakers I had this reinforced, such as…
“Fear is a powerful motivator We need to recognize it & then CHOOSE to make decisions based on faith.” Jeannie Fulbright #refreshmom
Real Refreshment Retreat was also a time to fill up my homeschooling mommy cup. Fresh wonderful ideas were reinforced and encouraged through many of the other speakers.
“We need to have a default setting that believes the best in our children.” Zan Tyler #refreshmom
Zan you hit the nail on the head! We all need to remember and truly believe that our children want to do their very best for us. That they are as motivated by love as we are.
I loved my time at RRR. I am excited to join with the team once more this coming weekend in Baltimore. Are you coming?
I hope so. Let me know. We can chat at the yummy chocolate get together Friday night.