Amy at Raising Arrows posted on Potty Training My Way… She added a Linky and threw out the idea to blog about your experience.
What a loaded question for my house! This post is not some expert’s book I read or an article I think will help you out. This is my experience with potty training on the spectrum with added medical problems.
Here’s the run down of where we are now for my kids:
1# girl at 21 months she saw me diaper change her new brother. She said “not a baby” gave me her diaper and that was that. NO seriously!!! She was done. Only a couple of night time accidents. No training involved. She TOTALLY spoiled me.
2# boy He is on the spectrum and just didn’t seem to care. He did not respond to normal training attempts (like Dr Sears or other big peds suggest) He didn’t care if his friends had moved on to undies. Nothing phased him. He day trained #1 first. Months later we had some control over #2. This struggle for control went on until he was 7. At nights we had no success until he was put on seizure medicines. Then he was finally able to train within months. YEAH!!! hard fought battle!
3# girl She is also on the spectrum again with the lack of age/social awareness. Again with a prolonged period of accidents and not caring. Her training was made worse by the fact she also has low tone. Her tone is such that she may never be dry at night. We are now to the point at 7 that as long as she isn’t sick or having an energy crisis day she is fully potty trained.
4# girl She is also on the spectrum. Her complete disregard to potty training is worse than her siblings. She does not even sense when she has dirtied her diaper. She is one tough nut to crack but we are working on it. She wants to be a big girl but she is not sure her tummy wants to.
5# girl She is also on the spectrum. This one has sensory defensiveness that is making potty training a bit easier! She knows when she has gone and wants changed. She has had success for full days several times. I think my baby will be dry by spring!
What has worked for us? What have we tried?
We have tried the small treat like m&ms and sticker charts per toilet visit. This worked the best. It was an easy to directly connect the act of pottying with a pleasant treat.
We have gone au natural to encourage runs every time there is an urge. Do to sensory issues they already wished to be naked so there was no real change on that one.
We tried the pull ups with the temperature change….WHAT A JOKE!
We tried timers. Anxiety producing and it takes over your life fast! Some have great success with this one, not us.
We tried pointing out in friends home how they have a potty chair to encourage a “try to be like best buddy” feeling. Autism robs away any real feeling of common social ground, so this didn’t work either.
We tried lots of water, and days of watching for any sign and rushing to the bathroom. We are back to the taking over your life, but what sunk this one was hyposensitivity. They just couldn’t feel the urge until it was too late. How to Potty Train with a Hyposensitive Child (sadly since written the 5 year old slid back into old habits after a long summer of illnesses, perhaps her mito triggered a regression)
We thought about no water at night so they are dry and less likely to go. That one doesn’t work for us because mito kids need water constantly. Dehydration happens fast and can lead to other problems.
I am sure I am missing many other things we have tried. We are talking years of trying. Reading books. Talking to pediatricians even a urologist about what was going on.
What has this taught me? That every child is EXTREMELY different in when and how they will potty train. Some children are easy and potty train by the book. Some kids eat the book spit back out and still need diapies. Do what is best for your child! If time is what your child needs give it to them. If firmness or rewards or strict scheduled potty breaks go for it!
Finally what do you do when potty training might not happen…
I have to say this is the hidden secret no one wants to talk about. If you say to a group on mom’s I need to go change my child’s diaper and they are 7. You will get a laugh from the group. No one believes you. Then when they realize you are telling the truth you are bombarded by stories of what so and so did, “their child was much worse than yours…”
My friend you are not alone. Many children, teens, and even adults have limited to no control over their bodily functions. There is nothing shameful to a child that is 13 trying to stay dry for a day. In fact I would write that as a goal for the year in a home education plan. Count it as progress any success you make in attaining that goal!
Here are a few things to keep in mind when potty training does come “on time.”
*When your child is not potty training and you reach the age of 7-10 you need to go to a specialist. Even if your child has autism or a intellectual disability you need to be sure there is not a hidden biological problem.
*Don’t give up! Keep trying. Take breaks, maybe even a couple of months break, then get back at it!
*Seek help from your pediatrician or developemental therapist for fresh ideas.
*I have changed out language about potty training. This is no longer a “don’t you want to be a big girl” This is no longer a matter of will and maturity. My daughter has a physical issue that interferes with her potty training. We now talk about doing her best.
*I also try to encourage changing my daughter’s diaper as quickly as I can. One that helps her like the idea of clean. Two it keeps down on rashes and infections.
Your child may or may not learn to potty train. It is not a competition! This is a growth, maturation, and learning process that is on going.
Here are a some products that may be of interest.
I also found some articles about potty training the older child.
What Are Some Potty Training Problems in Older Children?
I am SO glad you wrote about this! I’m going to give another shout out on Facebook & Twitter about the potty training post and make sure to point people to your post. Thanks so much!
thank you for writing this article. We have a 10 year old still struggling with this very issue. She really has made great progress, but if her schedual gets out of wack, something is bothering her, or she is sick, then she immediately reverts back to daily accicents. We potty trained this child 3 times with success and each time it returned due to seizures, illnesses and trauma. The last time, she never had much success or interest again.
This is a difficult issue to talk about with other moms that have very young children already potty trained. They look at you horrified that your child could be that big and not potty trained. There is a stigma attatched to the idea that a child be over 3 and not potty trained.
I really appreciate you putting this out there and hope others see what a struggle it is for our children and for us.
Oh, the irony here in our home! My PDD-NOS (probably Aspie) 5 yr old did much better than my NT kiddo. 5 yr old has regressed at night, but is fine during day. 3 yr old will stay dry and then poop at nap and bed time. Actually, he turns 3 on Sat, so I guess we’ll just keep waiting. ; ) I’m going to share this link w/a friend who is about to start potty training w/her 4 yr old autistic son. Thanks!