Regular moms vs Special Moms hit some nerves. This reprint was not meant to start a turf war! We do not choose to be a mom of a child that is sick. If we could have one wish than ALL our kids would be healthy! That is beyond our ability so let us be able to discuss without anger that there are differences in parenting. Differences in hope and dreams. The same desire to do the best for our kids and to find companionship with friends who walk with us on this lonely road.
The simple fact is you don’t understand dear regular mom. While I do think without a doubt you can care, empathize, and support me as a friend and fellow mom. There are things that once experienced change your whole world.
Once I was pregnant and made plans and dreamed big dreams for my daughter. Then she was gone… a birth defect taking her from me. I will never be the same. You can read every book, know all the statistical probabilities and still reality is a teacher unlike any other. Normal mom I pray you don’t have to go through this! I feel no anger at you for not having experienced a pregnancy loss. I do need you to allow me to vent sometimes, chat in our private club that’s membership was too high a price.
This is not a whose a better mom issue. We each do what the Lord has set us to, the best we can.
Once I didn’t know what an developmental therapist did. I didn’t know I would be teaching my child to play!!! Here I am know with a hard earned knowledge of tons of different therapies, specialists, and skills that need to be taught. Normal mom I envy you rushing to and from soccer, violin practise and et all. I dreamed of that once.
As mom’s we can all profit from each other. There are times that I NEED someone who understands why I cry on Novemeber 4th even 10 years later. Why I watch my kids play at the park with a package of breathing medicines rather than a purse. There are also times I need a shopping buddy! Someone to chat with that loves to giggle about “the good old days of high school”. The Lord has made us such wonderfully complex individuals. Let us revel in that! Let us join together in love for the children that we are sheperding through this life!
I leave you with God’s word to all mothers.
James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Our children are from God! Our foundation is on a God that does not change. We can be safe and secure resting in Him!
Phillipians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
We all get overwhelmed and face impossible situations at some point in our lives. You can overcome by allowing God to go first. Let the Lord lead you.
Blessing my friends may today be full of peace and joy!
Reminds me of the “Trip to Holland” tale that I read shortly after my son with DS was born. Having two typical children and one child with special needs I can honestly say that while my child with special needs is more like a typical child than he is different (he wants to be liked, he wants friends, etc.) — it’s still a different path and one that, if I could keep his person while losing the disability I’m sure we’d both choose that path. Unfortunately, I don’t think that losing the disability would leave me with the same child, nor would I be the same mother if my oldest had not been born with a disability. We both have received blessings from his disability. Now, catch me on a bad day and I’d probably gladly trade his disability to have him be typical.
How sad and frustrating that anyone would take offense to that which blessed me so greatly. Thanks for reprinting it!
Personally, when words are used like “you don’t understand” – I think things tend to get devisive. I am sure, too, that there are things in my life that “you don’t understand” – yet Jesus is our great High Priest, farmiliar with ALL of our sufferings. We are not unique in our suffering.
I didn’t see anything potentially divisive, but that’s just me. We definitely walk a road less traveled and laughter is the best medicine!
I am not saying that regular mom’s don’t have problems. I do think that all mom’s can empathize and be understanding towards each other. Sadly I also know that there are areas of life that are so profoundly life altering you cross a chasm in experience and sometimes grief. When this has happened there are times we need to cling to each other who understands and has been there too.
When I lost my baby at 20 weeks in utero. I was desperate to be pregnant again. No one understood this impulse, not even my hubby fully. I found a support group where we had all lost little ones either still born or in utero. We all had that same thought. It was only there that I was able to work through that and begin the process of fully loving my daughter for who she was not the dreams that I wanted for her.
Mom’s we are stronger together than against one another! I am glad that we are talking about this and that we are being so honest and open.
Blessings
Heather Laurie
Fantastic! My friends are often taken back when I say things like “you don’t understand.” When we adopted our daughter I felt different…and those first eight months when we thought everything was fine I would’ve said I understood a parent of a child with special needs. As I have now spent the last year doing therapy, MRI’s, x-rays, blood test, more dr’s appointments than I can count, I will say I did not understand…and no matter how wonderful and amazing my friends are, there are things about my life they can not fully grasp. Thanks for the last re-post, and the follow up. I loved them. 🙂
I stumbled upon your blog looking for other parents with kiddos who have special needs.
Andrea
http://munciemenn.blogspot.com
As the writer, I think I can explain why some people feel polarized, and mostly regular moms. All of us moms of typical and atypical kids have a lot to be thankful for. While the title sounds competitive the content is meant as a humorous piece that simply shows the different worlds we live in—not that one is better than the other.
This was written as a tongue-in-cheek prose for special needs parents. Obviously there were wide generalizations regarding life in a typical family–just as if a similar list were written about beer drinkers vs wine drinkers there would be some wide generalizations about the typical beer drinker. I guess if I had written this with the typical parent in mind there might be some generalizations on our side that we’re whiny or complainers!
Perspective is everything. Our life experiences are the sum of who we are. Before kids, in those newlywed years, my husband and I had apartment neighbors with two young kids. Whenever we got together at their place that mom ended up falling asleep with the kids as she tried to put them to bed or she would finally be ready to hang out when we were leaving. I just didn’t get it because I had no reference point. I would think, Geez just put your kids to bed. But then I had kids and boy, I really got it. I actually told her this story and apologized for thinking different.
I also think back to those newlywed days and remember how busy I thought I was. What was I thinking? A regular mom really IS busy until something happens (e.g. medical hardship, taking care of a parent, financial troubles) that changes her perception. Those parents are simply not in a similar “place” in life that we are. We have been given extra challenges in our life and have risen to that challenge. I have no doubt that other moms would do the same if put in that situation, although I hope they never have to. The list is not meant to belittle any typical moms but to give us special needs moms a little chuckle and to realize we are not alone.
–Dawn
Dawn
Thank you for your original post! I call it supportive humor. I completely understand how and why you wrote your post. It was funny in a very special way. Not belittling or negative in my opinion.
For those that are interested in more of Dawn’s writing don’t forget to go over to her site http://www.onesplaceforspecialneeds.com
God bless
Heather Laurie