“I gotta go…oops sorry” The refrain of my life. Most will laugh and say yes that comes with little ones. Then advice on just stick to it, or get stricter about making them use the potty, but we have an important difference that we need to understand. Several of my children have sensory processing disorder.
They are hypo-sensitive. That means they normally feel lessened pain, rough textures are welcome, intensity of movement, spices, and feelings are their normal. When hypo-sensitive children face potty training they face a very special set of problems. They cannot feel when they need to use the restroom either in time to get there or at all. This is a HUGE problem when you are expecting a young child to develop the ability to:
KNOW when they need to go.
ADJUST their clothing.
STAY long enough to finish the deed.
Here a few tips to help you accomplish potty training!
-Set a schedule! Get up go sit on the potty until X book is done. Reading the book or looking at the book will help your child sit long enough to allow the body to release.
-Try to use simple clothing. Use elastic waists. Don’t use long shirts that can tangle. Try to avoid layers of clothing.
-Again back to the book, or a song. Use something that keeps your child on the potty for several minutes.
-Also teach them that after they pee they need to keep sitting in case there is poop.
There are all sorts of neat little potty training items. Everything from smaller seats so the kids don’t feel like they are falling. To targets for the boys. To alarms that go on your child’s bed to warn them they have leaked in the night. Use these carefully. I have found some of the products on the market are aimed at helping you potty train a child that just isn’t ready yet.
That brings up a topic I would like to discuss. America is being hard wired to believe that earlier is better. This is true from academics to sleeping through the night to potty training. Much of this stems from both parents working and it is easier for a childcare workers to deal with a child that is potty trained. I remember as a young mother the rage in my mommy’s group was potty training at 18 months old! Wow gee it works. No it trained the mother’s to watch for the hints their child needed to go potty. In fact this takes the responsibility off the child entirely. They just move through their day and mom grabs you and runs when ever you look like you need a bathroom run. No we need real potty training that is assisted by a parent but lead by a child that is capable and ready.
Resist the pressure to force your child into potty training early. Especially with sensory issues, they already have to deal with so much conflicting sensations it may take time. Reinforce how to potty. That you expect your child to learn to potty. Make sure you have everything available to go when the time is right, underwear, potty seat, etc. This is another step along the way that we must teach.
Do not despair! I have guided two children with moderate sensory problems through potty training. Now helping my 3rd I was starting to wonder??? She is 5 and still she couldn’t “feel” the right time. Suddenly this week it was the RIGHT time!!! She feels so accomplished and excited! I am so happy we let her grow at her own pace and learn this skill when she was able. You will get there too!
Great tips and encouragement! We are late trainers here…my crew have all been between 3.5-5.5 before training. This was a good “refresher” to read as I plan to work with my youngest (4 at the end of May) in a few weeks. We have some sensory issues here, but nothing diagnosed. We are having issues still with one child during the day and several with bed wetting and I never thought of the possibility that it could be sensory related…you have me thinking on that one. Thanks!
Potty training took me about six years total. And still she has accidents, and if she gets any gluten, it’s total failure.
I read an article in Spectrum Magazine http://www.spectrumpublications.com/ about potty training on the Spectrum. I ran across the magazine when sitting in a doctor’s office. I believe my daughter to be on the Spectrum in a very mild manner. However, the insight in the magazine was very helpful.
Basically, the doctor recommended being VERY patient and also establishing a reward system with something important to the child (i.e. bribery). That has actually worked best. We give squares for successes, take squares away for accidents – reward with a special toy. For us, this was essential in potty training.
Yes! Cathy I forgot to add in the reward charts! We used reward charts when we had a couple of successes and thing were starting to go right. I wouldn’t use them on their own though if your child is not yet ready to potty train they can just add frustration.
God bless
Heather Laurie
Heather,
Thanks so much for this post. The timing is perfect as my SN [autism, SPD, & multiple delays] son just turned 6 and we’re in the middle of working on this exact skill. You have given me encouragement. Thank you!
Karen H
You don’t want to know where I am with this…my almost 9 year old son STILL doesn’t tell me when he needs to go although he does stay pretty dry during the day and has started initiated going. It’s a long haul.
Marya ((hugs)) I do understand. There are times we think, YES we are on the way to dry! Then there are times when you picture a teen in diapers. Despite the mainstream advice..that might happen. I am happy though that we have more discreet diapers and they aren’t clothe! Your son is showing wonderful signs that you will get to the end of the tunnel. Keep going you are a great mom! oh and for those interested great blog writer too!
God bless
Heather Laurie
My 7 year old son has spina bifida occulta and as such some sensory deficits in the nether regions. It took until last year for him to get the senstion of needing to pee down. He still has some BM accidents as he doesn’t associate the sensation of pressure or “stomach ache” with bowel moevement. Some days are better than others but even when he has a bowel accident he occassionally doesn’t even feel it in his pants because of the sensory deprivation.
Scehduled potty breaks are the required deal with us and he has to do all the clean up himslef in the event this is a life time issue to some degree. He needs to be aware of his needs and take responsibility for his hygene. In the past I did most of the clean up as I didn’t want him to think he was being punished for somethink he couldn’t control. Now he is more aware and the clean up responsibility is actually helping him focus on the deminished sensations to avoid it. I believe this is a kid by kids decision and should take age and understanding that it is not punishment into account.
Thank you so much for this article. I have a daughter that is hypo-sensitive . We have had trouble with the potty issue for quite a while. We got her trained and she started staying dry at night but as she matures in different areas such as in speech or starts making huge progress in some area she starts having accidents again and then we deal with that for a few weeks to a month until things even out again. She seems to be able to only focus on one thing at a time so she doesn’t feel it when she has wet herself. I was believing that she was the only one going through this. Her therapist and others had not heard of this. Every one I had talked to always said they were or knew only hyper-sensitive people. This has been encouraging to know that others are going through like issues with their children.
I so enjoyed talking with you and sitting in your classes at the Teach them Diligently convention. Thank you so much for all you do.