Homeschooling parents should be in the most active time of life. Lots of things going on right now and lots of life and milestones ahead. Watching our children graduate, fall in love, married, hopefully be blessed with their own family some day. How ever brilliant and golden that sunny someday maybe it is not one I will get to bask in.
I will leave behind a family that is not ready. When are you ever ready to lose a loved one? I’m not ready…
I will leave behind children that have the same disease I have and are struggling with as well. How can I do that to my beloved? As if there was any choice..
I will not get to see snow angels, muddy dog prints, and wild pizza game night parties. Thanksgiving day meals where we have long since run out of chairs but food and laughter fill the house. Quiet mornings watching the sunrise with an early bird kiddo just snuggling and smelling their baby scented hair.
The reality of what is happening fades in and out. There are times when I am excruciatingly aware how sick I or one of the kids are. Like when the hospice nurse looks at you and tells you she is just a phone call away, for whenever I need her.
Whenever… like after my stroke like episode earlier this week. I woke up from the seizure and my right side would not move. I just kept praying ‘please don’t let me die today. Please. Please.’
Then there are times when the smiles and laughter chases away the shadows. I am proud to say I have helped raise a crew of kids that loves God and each other. The dark can’t stand to that kind of soul.
The shadows creep back in too soon, ever few hours I have lots of medications that has to be given. The kids now have anti-seizure meds and more that have to be right on time as well. There is no relief.
Chris told me, ““I will homeschool the children not just when you are gone but soon when you have reached the point where homeschooling is too much for your health.”
That time has come. Chris resigned from his job and is now taking care of the kids and myself. Starting the day off with the sun prepping and giving me multiple IV medications.
I used to be the one that was up with the sun prepping breakfast for the kids. Setting out homeschooling books. Listening to the dog whine for his morning walkies. Now I lay in my hospital bed and wait for the medications to kick in and help me wake up.
Having Chris home is now a must but it won’t be easy. We will be living off the disability, the blog, and speaking to make the bills. While fighting yet another denial from the VA making the stress harder on us all.
We believe that the Lord will watch over us, protect us, and tend to our needs.
He has already done that several times over. A special thank you to those that have shared love offerings, gift cards, and prayers with us. We treasure each gift and raise you in prayer up to the Lord.
I even had a run in with David Benham at Teach Them Diligently. We talked about how to make the house more accessible for our family of multiple wheelchairs. Sadly we both realized that this particular house just isn’t able to be fixed or adjusted. He did have other ideas… If the Lord wishes they will happen. (you are welcome to pray on that one!)
There are some great things to having daddy home.
*1* We get to go back to church! His old job had him working every Sunday.
*2* We are able to devote our time to family and homeschooling.
*3* We are able to go as a family to more speaking, conventions to help other families.
WAH?? But Heather what are you talking about going to help other families? Aren’t you sick? Aren’t your kids dealing with issues too? Yes, but we have a special calling from the Lord.
You see there are many people out there telling you how to live the best most adventurous life. Infomercials on how to cheat death and gain extra time (yes I actually saw one that said that). Or people that are choosing to leave life early because they are scared of death and the dying process. I believe that the Lord has put me here in this really unique position of being a sister to siblings that passed away, mother to 3 babies that passed and my 5 that are here on earth have a serious condition that is life shortening, and myself facing the end. In short I believe the Lord has put Chris and I here to show and encourage you how to die with dignity and faith.
It won’t be easy or clean. It will be real. I will trust the Lord for everyday, every breath, every butterfly kiss.
Let us show you how to live every breath for the Lord, even the last one. Let us share our special calling.