The breeze is fresh and untainted with the smog of a busy life where I stand. When I was told that I was ‘actively dying’ and placed on hospice I was extremely upset. I mean who wouldn’t be with a young family of 5 and a husband that is my heart! As those emotions calmed and I regained my perspective I realized that I was suddenly on the other side of the mountain.
Over the hill if you will.
My insight into my Bible study changed radically. My parenting of my children changed. My attention to my wonderful husband had a quality to it of what if…
Dying Gives New Perspective
My life is hanging by a beautiful thread that the Lord holds. I am now okay with that. I am thankful that I am able to see the world from this clearer perspective that few get to experience.
I know a few people with mito that have been on hospice for years. They stabilized at a very precarious point health wise but LIVING. Sadly I know many that don’t even get prior notice and die. I am not sure the length of my life but I do know that while I am here there are some things that I am ready to share and do.
No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death. (Ecclesiastes 8:8)
Clarity of Purpose. There are certain things that I feel deep in my soul I need to do or keep doing. Homeschooling. Writing. Speaking. I will continue those things with a purpose unlike any other time in my life. God has given Chris and I very specific training in helping special needs families and families dealing with extreme circumstances and we will continue to help them.
Because we are so sure God has asked us to do this full time Chris will be coming home to help with the our ministry to others. We would not have done this if we hadn’t cleared away the world’s chatter and looked at the Lord’s direction. God is good, follow Him!
Simplicity rules. That which needs my attention and deserves it gets it. The rest is set aside. AND THE WORLD didn’t implode! Yes, I know that world is screaming at you to do a million things all today. It’s time to write down all that you have to do and prioritize. Then be brutal if you have to and slim down that list to what needs to be done and make it happen. You will be less stressed and more productive.
Legacy for my children. When I die what will I have left behind for my children? What will I have taught them? I have started down this path as any parents would doing my very best to care for my littles. Now I can rest in peace knowing that all my littles have accepted the Lord as Savior. All other things pale compared to that bit of legacy.
Dreams are Worth Chasing! I got into mom mode and forgot myself. I don’t regret for one second being a mom. I just wish that I had pulled back a bit everyone once in a while to be sure that I was fulfilling myself as well as my lovely children. The good thing is now that I have been able to get perspective I am working on several big dreams and I find the whole family has become involved and extremely supportive of my dreams.
Seeking Peace is a Worthy Cause. This can be as simple as having a peaceful home or reaching out to a family member that you need to make amends to. Making peace can hurt and take time but the rewards are far out weigh the discomfort.
Finding peace also means finding God. My relationship with the Lord has never been better. I am thrilled with this and yes knowing God does bring a relief and warmth to my heart as I face death.
If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
This side of the mountain is clear and lonely. I walk alone. No matter how close my family and friends are this is a journey that only I can make. That is why I am glad I sought peace with the Lord for He will be my companion.
Walking with the Lord to the next step in life or death holds clarity and a perspective and purpose that I would never have asked for but love.